#4 in the series on emotions
When we treat something over the leg, in French, it means we consider it very lightly. And in this fourth article on emotions, I wanted to focus on our approach to human suffering, and what to do when our brains are easily triggered into pain.
We can find so many good excuses at the moment for humans to suffer. No one can be blind to the fact that our environment is giving us many reasons to feel the pain.
But let me say that I believe we can do better as an exceptional civilisation.
In fact, we could bear our cross over the leg!
And if instead of falling into all traps possible, we could focus our energies on leaving great gifts behind, with a strong sense of collective responsibility for the future generations.
In order to get there, we saw it yesterday, one of the conditions is to address the big conflicts we are facing.
Something that would be so easy to do. Unless of course, we would find more comfort letting ourselves down and pursuing our self-destruction, while avoiding to grab our power. After all, this would be a case of familiarity in a context of crisis after crisis.
And using my own recent conflict, with which you know I still struggle, let me share what is happening in my mind right now (I humbly believe we still have to learn from this story. And I will only launch when I think we are ready to move forward and grab our power for good):
- Isn’t it reassuring to feel shame, and guilt when I suffer, because then I can validate all the negative beliefs and thoughts about myself? My parents, my teachers, even my friends, they are right. I am lazy, I am awkward and I am fearful.
- Isn’t it easier this way to explain why I am rightly abandoned by everyone? Look at you Julie, it is your fate to be rejected! Look at how bad you are. You haven’t even launched your YouTube channel, yet!
I am not an alien. Most of us are like me, finding easily the ways to blame ourselves. We are and do so wrong.
And that’s exactly because we have so little control over our minds, that I am calling everywhere on our leaders to help! Time to disrupt our shaming reality to move into possibility.
To finally put the conditions to stand up as an exceptional civilisation, that supports each other and is genuinely helpful.
And to do it before the conflict gets even bigger, because our problems are deemed to amplify in a chaotic context!
As a powerful illustration, it is known that smokers need to stop smoking before they get lung cancer. Because when they become sick, the conflict gets bigger, making it almost impossible for them to stop the bad habit.
The new context, the disease, amplifies the unhealthy emotions, and the poor smokers cannot find the energy to fight back.
We know from research, we have to solve the problem, before the problem gets too big. Because the larger it is, the more difficult it is to solve it and make the necessary changes. Why? The mind is feeling safe despite the wrong behaviours. And what our mind is looking for in chaotic times, is even more security. This is why for instance, we see that the culture of competition and fear amplifies at the moment.
We couldn’t make more bad decisions than we are making now.
If we think in particular about the planetary emergency, which is why I am writing articles every single day. We need the conditions I share to be in place right now!
For instance, what are some strategies we could use to make the problem smaller and therefore easier to address?
- Be a part of the problem, M/WE culture – collective apology, forgiveness for our weaknesses and grief over what needs to disappear. A good collective detox if you prefer.
- Organise work in communities, distribute leadership and powerful collaboration, dividing the big goal into pieces and sub-goals. For instance, mobility, water, economy, democracy in the case of the planetary emergency.
- Surround ourselves with people and especially experts that can help us address the small conflicts behind the big one “my wave of humanity” (with various roles, cheerleaders, movers and shakers, role models, managers etc.) and new practices, such as liquid democracy, restorative justice,… and drivers (collaboration, curiosity, etc.). Everything we saw in previous articles.
- Appreciate our resilience. Everything can be fixed, it’s never too late. But it’s easier done when the top of the mountain (the end goal) has not become too distant… And I see that each new day without changing the course of action, increases our distance towards the exceptional civilisation.
- Initiate a process of reparation, by setting intermediary milestones and making space for little treats/small rewards to stimulate gratefulness culture.
- Make it a habit to act! For instance, systematically replace one tiny negative habit by a tiny positive habit towards our goal.
- Finally, master emotions. Because once we master them more, thanks to the wheel of emotions that I mentioned yesterday, then we can better follow those that push us to positive actions, and say no to those that keep us in a state of unproductive suffering.
As we have seen, our approach to suffering only serves to confirm the negative image we have of ourselves. It’s not necessary. Really no need. Hence, it will bring us nowhere.
And if instead, we were loving and forgiving ourselves for our weaknesses and wounds for good? This is the key to an enlightened society. This is the key to changing the course of action and to making ourselves a memourable civilisation, in the right sense of the term.
Mad and proud, saying “no!” to the tricks of our minds. But for this, we need to recognize that it will NOT be easy to bear our crosses “over the leg” on our own!
We really need to be accompanied by institutions which can share the wisdom and caring we need, as well as making it fun for all to create an amazing future! We need the conditions to do better. We are just humans after all!
Tomorrow, I will conclude this series by writing about our need for distractions, and why I know I can only have very little followership. I focus on what hurts us, I focus on our shortcomings, I focus on the only essential conversation. And I know from research that it is really difficult to join such an initiative at a time when our energy is decreasing more and more.
Without the help of influencers and multipliers, I won’t get anywhere, which means that self-destruction will continue. Let’s discuss from tomorrow the strategies to avoid what I and others around me see as an avoidable tragic fate.